SPOILER ALERT 9/15/11: Beware the Ides of September.

I Don't Know How She Does It: This is how she does it: At the beginning of each day, she sits down and makes a list of what needs to be accomplished. Each task falls into 1 of 3 categories; mother, career or wife. Obviously there is too much to accomplish on any given day, therefore she does each task poorly. She is an average mother, mediocre career woman and C- wife.

Straw Dogs: This movie is decent by dog-art standards. Here is a list of the top 10 works of dog-art:

10. Tie: Call of the Wild, Where the Red Fern Grows, Old Yeller & To Build a Fire

9. Painting of Dogs Playing Poker

8. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Marathon airing on A&E this Sunday beginning at 1pm Eastern Standard Time.

7. Straw Dogs

6. Teen Wolf

5. Reservoir Dogs

4. Teen Wolf 2

3. Your Mom's face

2. Tie: Blues Clues & Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle

1. The Poochy episode of the Simpsons

Restless: Here is the actual IMDB synopsis: The story of a terminally ill teenage girl who falls for a boy who likes to attend funerals andtheir encounters with the ghost of a Japanese kamikaze pilot from WWII.

In a related story, here are 8 other movie concepts:

1. The story of terminally ill teenage girl

2. A teenage girl who falls for a boy

3. A boy who likes to attend funerals

4. Encounters with a ghost

5. Ghosts of a Japanese kamikaze pilot from WWII

6. Japanese Kamikaze pilot from WWII

7. Pilot from WWII

8. WWII

Contagion: Actual film tagline: Nothing spreads like fear.

FALSE!

The following also spread equal to or better than fear:

• your mom's legs (BOOM!)
• panic
• yawning
• Thompson's Turf Builder Plus 2
• viral video of litter of autotuned kittens falling asleep and then making friends with a panda
• Odds line for game between Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals
• Jif