SPOILER ALERT 9/21/11: There would have been 3 more this week, but we only subscribe to streaming service, not DVD by mail.

Machine Gun Preacher:  IMDB Synopsis: "The story of a former drug-dealing biker who found God and became a crusader for hundreds of Sudanese children who've been forced to become soldiers."  This takes the "redemption story" to new levels.  Michael Vick is going to have to pass for 800 yards and repair the rift between Netflix/Quikster (Quikster? seriously?) and it customers next week in order to keep pace.

Killer Elite: Money isn't the only thing that is unfairly concentrated at the top, among "the elite".  The top .1% of killers commit 80% of all murders, leaving only manslaughter scraps for the common man.

Moneyball: Great, now there's a whole movie about how some douche has a foolproof method to win his fantasy league (Jonah Hill writes his own lines by taking the Superbad script and doing a find/replace all, substituting "OPS" for "sex")

The Lion King 3D: A more apt title for this updated version would be "The Lion Prime Minister".  Most of the movie revolves around a fierce negotiation between Simba's Top-of-the-Food-Chain Party and Timon and Pumba's Meerkat-Warthog Rainbow Coalition Party to craft the  Hakuna Matata Act of 2011: Ensuring No Worries for the Rest of Your Days.  Nala is positively radiant as the first lady.

SPOILER ALERT 9/15/11: Beware the Ides of September.

I Don't Know How She Does It: This is how she does it: At the beginning of each day, she sits down and makes a list of what needs to be accomplished. Each task falls into 1 of 3 categories; mother, career or wife. Obviously there is too much to accomplish on any given day, therefore she does each task poorly. She is an average mother, mediocre career woman and C- wife.

Straw Dogs: This movie is decent by dog-art standards. Here is a list of the top 10 works of dog-art:

10. Tie: Call of the Wild, Where the Red Fern Grows, Old Yeller & To Build a Fire

9. Painting of Dogs Playing Poker

8. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Marathon airing on A&E this Sunday beginning at 1pm Eastern Standard Time.

7. Straw Dogs

6. Teen Wolf

5. Reservoir Dogs

4. Teen Wolf 2

3. Your Mom's face

2. Tie: Blues Clues & Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle

1. The Poochy episode of the Simpsons

Restless: Here is the actual IMDB synopsis: The story of a terminally ill teenage girl who falls for a boy who likes to attend funerals andtheir encounters with the ghost of a Japanese kamikaze pilot from WWII.

In a related story, here are 8 other movie concepts:

1. The story of terminally ill teenage girl

2. A teenage girl who falls for a boy

3. A boy who likes to attend funerals

4. Encounters with a ghost

5. Ghosts of a Japanese kamikaze pilot from WWII

6. Japanese Kamikaze pilot from WWII

7. Pilot from WWII

8. WWII

Contagion: Actual film tagline: Nothing spreads like fear.

FALSE!

The following also spread equal to or better than fear:

• your mom's legs (BOOM!)
• panic
• yawning
• Thompson's Turf Builder Plus 2
• viral video of litter of autotuned kittens falling asleep and then making friends with a panda
• Odds line for game between Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals
• Jif